Friday Funnies

Blue Duck

Sharpest Tool
Mar 16, 2020
425
Western Texas
First Name
Stan
Willys Model
  1. Pickup
Willys Year:
  1. 1955
An old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home.
He followed me into the house, down the hall, climbed up on the couch and fell asleep. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day he was back, resumed his position on the couch and slept for an hour. This continued for several days. Curious, I tied a note to his collar: 'Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.'
The next day he arrived with a different note on his collar: 'He lives in a home with four children -- he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?'
 

oblvnnwtnjhn

Bigger Hammer
Sep 14, 2021
145
North Alabama
First Name
Spence
Willys Model
  1. CJ
Willys Year:
  1. 1961
Not Friday, but funny in hindsight. Yesterday was my daughter's 12th birthday. I checked her out of school early but we still had to go to the bus stop to retrieve her friend and take her home. Said friend rides in the front usually as she's the first to get out. After dropping her off, my daughter hops in the front. We get to the stop sign, the Jeep will not shift. I am panicking, I jump underneath looking at the linkage and hoses. I'm thinking "crap, now I gotta drop the T90, install the Novak kit sooner than I want..." I finally see that she's knocked the transfer box into neutral... :rolleyes: Crisis averted, whew.
 

cwdtmmrs

Well Oiled
Jul 19, 2012
3,515
First Name
Tim
Willys Model
  1. Wagon
Willys Year:
  1. 1952
A man received the following text from his neighbor:

A am so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and have to confess.
I have been helping myself to your wife, day and night when you're not
around. In fact, more than you. I do not get it at home but that's no excuse.
I can no longer live with the guilt and hope you will accept my sincerest
apology with my promise that it wont ever happen again.

Bob is in complete shock and didn't know what to do....

A few moments later, a second text came in:

Damn spell check! I meant wi-fi!
 

Bill Norris

Sharpest Tool
Jan 31, 2013
346
Michigan
First Name
Bill
Willys Model
  1. CJ
Willys Year:
  1. 1947
A man received the following text from his neighbor:

A am so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and have to confess.
I have been helping myself to your wife, day and night when you're not
around. In fact, more than you. I do not get it at home but that's no excuse.
I can no longer live with the guilt and hope you will accept my sincerest
apology with my promise that it wont ever happen again.

Bob is in complete shock and didn't know what to do....

A few moments later, a second text came in:

Damn spell check! I meant wi-fi!
Reminds me, that whole ‘free Wi-fi’ started when my son was about 4. I remember the first time he saw a sign he said ‘Hey dad, look they have a free wifey.’ I told him no wife is free…
Bill
 

Barney

Bigger Hammer
Jan 21, 2020
115
Cloquet, MN
First Name
Denny
Willys Model
  1. Wagon
Willys Year:
  1. 1953
Not Friday, but funny in hindsight. Yesterday was my daughter's 12th birthday. I checked her out of school early but we still had to go to the bus stop to retrieve her friend and take her home. Said friend rides in the front usually as she's the first to get out. After dropping her off, my daughter hops in the front. We get to the stop sign, the Jeep will not shift. I am panicking, I jump underneath looking at the linkage and hoses. I'm thinking "crap, now I gotta drop the T90, install the Novak kit sooner than I want..." I finally see that she's knocked the transfer box into neutral... :rolleyes: Crisis averted, whew.
Well at least you figured it out on your own. I had to post a question on the forum to get mine going again!
 

Blue Duck

Sharpest Tool
Mar 16, 2020
425
Western Texas
First Name
Stan
Willys Model
  1. Pickup
Willys Year:
  1. 1955
One day, a bear walks into a bar. He sits down at the counter, and the bartender comes over.
"What'll it be?" asks the bartender.
"I'll have a-------beer," the bear replies.
"Alright, one beer for the bear. But I gotta ask, why the big pause?" asks the bartender.
"hell, I don't know," says the bear. "I guess I was just born with them."
 

Blue Duck

Sharpest Tool
Mar 16, 2020
425
Western Texas
First Name
Stan
Willys Model
  1. Pickup
Willys Year:
  1. 1955
At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. "Isn't it true," he bellowed, "that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?"
The witness stared out the window as though he hadn't hear the question.
"Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated.
The witness still did not respond.
Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Sir, will you please answer the question."
"I'm sorry your Honor" the startled witness said, "I thought he was talking to you."
 

ALY

Gear Grinder
Oct 26, 2019
10
washington state
First Name
alan
Willys Model
  1. Pickup
Willys Year:
  1. 1953
In May my wife is taking a month long trip to Europe without me, but that is OK. It would be a month at the in-laws. Later this summer we are both going on a 9 day jeep convoy in New Mexico with 19 other rigs.
Where in New Mexico? I don't live there now, but I was raised there.
 

Gojeep

Well Oiled
Jan 10, 2010
3,941
Victoria Australia
First Name
Marcus
Willys Model
  1. Pickup
Willys Year:
  1. 1948
Friday Funnies

At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 9-year-old football players aside and asked, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?"

"Yes, coach", replied the little boy. "

Do you understand that what matters is that we are a team whether we win or lose?" The little boy nodded in the affirmative.

"So," the coach continued, "I'm sure you know that you shouldn't argue, curse the umpire, or call him an as**hole. Do you understand all that?"

Again, the little boy nodded in the affirmative.

The coach continued, "And when I take you out of the game so that another boy gets a chance to play, it's not a dumb a*s decision or that the coach is a ** is it?"

"No, coach."

"Good” the coach said. “Now can you go over there and explain all that to your grandmother?”.



Medical experts were asked today if it was time to ease COVID restrictions.

Allergists were in favour of scratching it

Dermatologists advised against any rash moves. Gastroenterologists had a strong gut feeling about it

Neurologists thought the government had a lot of nerve.

Obstetricians felt everyone was labouring under a misconception

Ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted.

Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!"

Paediatricians said, "Don’t be a baby, grow up!"

Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness

Radiologists saw right through it.

Most Surgeons opened up, but then washed their hands of the whole thing

Pharmacists claimed it would be a bitter pill to swallow.

Plastic Surgeons opined that this proposal would "put a whole new face on the matter."

Podiatrists thought it was a step forward,

Urologists were peed off by the idea.

Anaesthetists thought the whole concept was a knock-out

Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say anything and

Dentists, of course, thought we'd bitten off more than we could chew ...



 
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